• You Won’t Find Happiness in Others: End Emotional Dependency

    by Caroline Ryther
    on Jan 4th, 2019

We often think that we just need that one external thing, and then we will be happy. Until that happens, we go about our lives with the comfort of being able to blame “that one thing” for not being fulfilled yet. What that external condition/thing is, depends on the person you ask. For some it’s a promotion, new job, apartment in the city, or something else related to personal finances. For most however, it’s often a relationship or community that they feel they lack, and therefore need in order to live the life they imagined.

Can you relate to that? Try asking yourself honestly: “Do I have a dependent personality, or do I tend to display dependent personality traits?” If you do, then it is likely those traits will show up in your lifestyle choices, relationships etc. If you’re not exactly sure what defines a dependent personality or the traits, read our list below: 

  1. Difficulty making everyday decisions without guidance or support.
  2. You make yourself responsible when bad things happen.
  3. Difficulty disagreeing or standing up for yourself out of fear.
  4. Feel responsible for fulfilling the expectations of others.
  5. Feel anxious or distressed when alone, or when thinking about being alone.
  6. Struggle to start projects or do things on your own.
  7. Have a constant need to be in contact with people – or else you feel lonely/unloved.
  8. Perceive being let down or rejected more easily than others.

Do you recognize yourself in most of these traits? Then you probably have a dependent personality, which can cause unnecessary stress, anxiety and even depression. Let’s go through some strategies and thought processes you can use to become more independent and happier. Because let’s face it, we are not unhappy because we don’t have that one external thing, we’re often unhappy because something within ourselves is not attended to. Dependency is often the result of having your needs neglected and then neglecting them yourself.

So try this: put your phone away in another room, and write down a list of things you love doing, such as: watching a favorite TV show, baking gingerbread, drawing, reading etc. Now over indulge! Make your favorite treat while watching your favorite show. When alone also get to know yourself better and explore what makes you, well you!

You are just as worthy as everyone else you know. There are not "better" humans; we all have good and bad qualities. You have talents and interests. What are they? You have thoughts and opinions, go ahead and elaborate on them. You have things you like and dislike. What are those and why? You have values, beliefs, things that inspire you. Which are they? As soon as you start relaxing in your own company and take a deep dive into your personality, you’ll soon realize what a unique individual you are. You have value, you have ideas, you are confident in what you believe is true. Do enough of this quality alone time and you’ll start feeling more confident and content. Watch out! It can become quite addicting.

Are you or a loved one struggling with dependency issues? Then please don’t hesitate to contact us for a consultation and help:

Phone: 847-306-8938

Email: pm@mind.md

Author Caroline Ryther

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